I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
