I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
