No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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