What did we do last night that was yellow?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hippo gnu deer
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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