Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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