3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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