Your mouth is God's brothel.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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