I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
