When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
