well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
