After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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