I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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