just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
