dude i'm inner monologue high
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
