well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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