I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
