we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
last night I used snow as a chaser
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
