I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
