We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
