Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
