If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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