Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
