Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
