Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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