I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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