so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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