I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
