That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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