all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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