This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
