In the future we'll all be gay
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
