bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
