THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
