I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
