My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
