You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
