69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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