I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
