Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
