This is not my ceiling
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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