i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
