Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
