I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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