my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Randomize
