she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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