If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i now understand why vodka
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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