Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
