I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sext me about skeletons
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
