i think my tv is drunk
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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