I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
