Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
