you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
